Want to Succeed More, You Have to Fail More

Want to Succeed, Get to Failing More

So many people want to do these great things in their life… start a business, live in another country for a year, write a book, complete a half marathon…..but when it is time to actually DO what they are wanting, those large goals that were the topic of numerous conversations, just up and disappear.

Fear of failing has killed more dreams than actual failure.  My question is WHY are we so afraid of failing in the first place?  If you fail and lose money, you can always make more.  If you fail and people are ashamed of you, then you obviously need to be around people that aren’t a bunch of self-absorbed A-holes.  If you fail and you let yourself down, then you have got to come terms with loving the journey just as much as the outcome.

Failing is part of the learning process.  Education is never free.  Education costs us money, time, and sleep.  Education causes stress, fear, anxiety, happiness, and a sense of accomplishment!  Failing is just part of going forward!  Instead of falling forward, fail forward!

I have failed my entire life and I am a successful businesswoman, wife, and competitor!  I do not have some magical genetic pool, or some great mental power to be able to persevere ……no…..I fail or in other words, “I LEARN”.

Being a lifelong learner includes being a product of a long list of failures.   On the other side of failure is SUCCESS!  I believe whole heartedly that the bigger the failure, the greater the success.  I want you to run towards failure……now don’t be a weirdo and celebrate failure.  No, acknowledge the failure, LEARN THE LESSON and then grind baby grind! 

Most of you know I use to be a fighter.  I actively trained in martial arts for over two decades.  It is forever a part of my identity.  I lost more fights than I ever won, but I was always learning.  As I aged, my success rate increased.  Some people learn through words and some people learn through scars.  And when I say scars, I mean both internal and emotional scars, and sometimes outward scars.  When I was at my peak performance years, I remember when the switch happened in my fighting career.  When an opponent goes to kick you, you have to turn in towards their kick…..that’s right…..you almost attack the very limb that is attacking you.  What this does is stops their momentum and lessens their ability to make a substantial impact. 

I have used this lesson from the ring in my everyday life.  When I see something coming towards me that is not working or that could cause harm or damage, I cut it off.  I stop its momentum.  If an event that I design is not working, I change it or I do not bring it back.  Never in my life would I actually view that as a failure, I just view that as part of the learning process.

My husband and I own a horse trail riding facility.  Our first year open, the creek that divides our property into basically half, flooded SIX times!  Our first wedding we were supposed to have in our wedding barn was cancelled because the groom had an affair.  Even at our grand opening, we hired Hawaiian dancers and had this entire evening planned with the focus being around the pineapple since it represents “welcome” and we were saying welcome to Von Holten Ranch….yeah, the dancers thought it was the following weekend.  You know what we did???  We apologized and had the best ever 1 year anniversary celebration with those Hawaiian dancers! 

When I see people become stunted by their fear of failure, I just want to tell them that it never hurts as bad as we envision it to.  In fact, people respect you more FOR TRYING! 

When I was in college getting my biology degree, I struggled.  I failed classes.  I retook them and eventually graduated.  I didn’t fail any classes while getting my second degree in criminal justice, but then I did fail a class while getting my masters in education.  I got behind on an on-line class and had dug myself too deep of a hole to get out of.  You know how failing those classes has impacted me?  It got me a job.  The person interviewing me thought it would help me be more relatable to the students. 

You know what messing up scheduling the dancers did?  I now double check everything the week before an event.

Know what the 6 floods did for us?  We took the plunge and invested in building a covered arena.  Now I have way less stress and never check the weather because we always have a back up plan.

Know what the cancelled wedding did for us?  It allowed my husband to be able to slow down on construction and not work himself basically into the ground.

People love a comeback story, they love when someone gets behind and then gets motivated and SUCCEED. 

In order to be successful, you have got to go to bat.  Even in baseball, they give you three swings before you are out.  That is 2 of 3 failed attempts, before 1 homerun.

Your hopes, your dreams, your life is all worth the extra chaos known as learning.  Fall down 5 times, get up 6.  Get told no 10 times, ask Number 11.

Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement.

You are too important to let failure limit you.  Come on Big Boss Mare, they ain’t seen nothing yet!