A Father's Story of Coping with the Loss of a Child

This is a podcast transcription of an interview between Brandy Von Holten and her brother Gary Vaughn, Jr. about the loss of Gary's daughter, Kaytlynn.  If you would like to hear the podcast, the podcast is Country Tough with Brandy Von Holten.  Gary is episode #33.  The photo with this blog is Gary, Kaytlynn, Justin, and Kristen (three siblings). 

 Brandy Von Holten 

Welcome back to Big Boss Mare with Brandy Von Holten. Today you're going to get to know me a lot more intimately than you ever have. Today I'm going to interview my brother. His name is Gary Lynn Vaughn Jr. However, he always got the nickname "Nubbin" whenever we were growing up, so do you want to explain the name" Nubbin"?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Okay. We've got an uncle, his nickname is "Tiny". His real name is Harvey Manning. The story I as told to me is that I was about three, maybe four and I had slipped somebody's boots on. I was a little kid, and the boots were grownup boots. Well he said where are you going "Nubbin" and it stuck.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

And it stuck. Yeah. I never called you "Nubbin"? You know in the country you got two named by most of our family. We had a Becky Kay, a Betty Sue, we had Gary Lynn. Okay, I know you don't like to be two named. But that's kind of the Southern thing. Now you just get called Gary. Yeah. And I always just called you "Bubba".

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

 I remember one of your friends actually. Hey, what's your brother's name? He's "Bubba".

 

Brandy Von Holten 

I only have one brother. You and I have different fathers. My father's name is Ronnie Smith. But you have multiple sisters. Okay, so how many sisters do you have, besides me?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I have two by Gary Vaughn. I have a relationship with one of them. The other one basically disowned that part of the family. And now I have a stepsister by him.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Okay. So you have a total of four sisters?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yes

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You've got four sisters. That always messes people up. Whenever I'm like, Well I've got one brother, but he's got (I thought you had six) I told them you had six sisters, but you've got four sisters.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Well, when I say I got a step sister, I don't like the step, or the halves, or any of that. I got sisters. And that's it.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Okay. One of them right now just won mayor of a local town.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yes. Heber springs Arkansas, Casey Griffin.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Now that's the other one you have the most contact with?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yes.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Okay. But you were raised with me.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Right  Because you and I had the same mom. But we look completely different. I look like my father. And then you've got curly hair, that's super coarse, and a big ol' butt  I got a little bit of mom. And a little bit of of the Vaughn.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah, but we're both chubby. We're always working on it. I know one time whenever you and I were both already grown. And me and you used to play around and like beat each other up and stuff like that. And the house that was in Arkansas, well it was not designed for as much thunder as we brought in. I remember mama saying like, you get out of the house. Oh, yeah. And she was like, You're gonna mess up the China cabinet.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Like two bears wrestling?

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. So I was born in 1979, and you were born in 1973. You ended up moving around a lot. My family moved around a lot before I was able to go to school. So I don't remember all of that moving around. So tell me at what age did we stop moving around and where all did we live and what all did our parents do?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Well, from what I can remember, as far back as I can remember, Ronnie farmed with one of his cousins. That moved us around because he worked on different farms for a financial company. When they would foreclose on the farm or buy a farm, he would move to that farm and we would do work on it to get it ready to resell. We might be there a year or two, it just varied. And then Ronnie went pipeline and that's where we did the most moving. We lived in from South Texas, up into Oklahoma, Colorado and New Mexico. And then he went back to farming. Then at some point, like when I was in third or fourth grade, our parents separated. We ended up in Greenbrier, and I'm back in Greenbrier now. Made a full circle. We stayed in Greenbrier for a year or so. And then we went to DeKalb, Texas. I was in fifth grade. And that's where I graduated. We stayed there longer than anywhere.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

So it was fifth grade before we stopped moving around

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Right?

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. And then in DeKalb our parents got separated again. So there was two to three houses, because I lived in town for a little bit. And that was before we ended up moving to Arkansas. But just so people know, I think our parents, we say our parents, you know, this is my father. But then the guy that raised you and then our mom, but they were like married and divorced from each other like three times.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah, multiple times

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. So there's a whole another story there. But this is not long enough for all that. Okay, it equated to a rough childhood. But here we are doing a podcast together. And I'm in a happy marriage. You're in a happy marriage. And we survived. We survived and we are strong, like people don't even know how strong we are. So let's go back to when you were around. So, our mom, Marsha, was born in December of 1956. So she was a teen mom. Okay. Well, then your father, she actually did marry him. I do believe

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah, they were married for a couple years.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. Well, he was only a few years older than her. So here we are. We got my mom's a teen mom. She's married to a gentleman that's also young. Okay. And you had, I don't know what percentage of your body burnt, from our mom's mom, our grandma.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

60%

 

Brandy Von Holten 

60% of your body was burned. And you had to go to Children's Mercy for several months. And it was around that time that your father and Marsha ended up getting divorced. Okay, so let's talk about this.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

It was sometime after that fact. But they were not together at the time. They were separated.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

So I know that that would be a lot. A it's a lot to be a teen mom. Okay. And then to have a child that, you know, you almost were deformed? You know, I was told that you had to be an almost like a full body cast. And that you had to learn to walk again. Yes. And then, you know, just to preference this, our grandmother and grandfather.

Dorothy and Ermal? I was gonna go with elder but that was our other grandfather, Elder Richard, which went by ER. That's Ronnie's stepfather that raised him. But Ermal and Dorothy. He had kids. She had kids. And then they had two kids together. And their baby was mom, Marsha. They're probably exhausted from all of these kids. And then they end up with this little spitfire of a horseback rider, our mom and then she gets pregnant young.  But it was grandma that was cooking outside. Yeah. So tell me what you had heard about you being burned.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

She was cooking outside on an old cast iron pot over an open fire. And she had a metal, I won't call it a coffee can metal cans and it had gasoline.  I don't know why she had gasoline. But anyway, an ember got into it, come went up, and fell into the can and it exploded. I was behind her. I had come up behind her. She didn't know I was there. And when the can came down on me, so all of my right side burned.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, just thinking about that now. Whenever I see grandparents with their grandkids, I know that she was mortified.  Man, what an accident. And then. So mom was single. And then she met Ronnie and I, as I understand it, mom was working at a gas station in town. She didn't end up finishing high school, she did go back and get her GED. But she met my dad at a gas station, and that she was working at and then they ended up together. So I remember some kind of, okay, so we're not able to say cuss words on here. But I was told whenever you met Ronnie, that something about like, hey, where are you gonna go? And you had told him well, you can go to H E double L. Okay, and so here you were little, little kid. And then he's, you know, I always thought that was hilarious. So whenever you graduated high school in 1991? 1991. However, you played football, and you ended up with a, if I understand correctly, because I was a child whenever I was processing this, but you had got where your shoulder was so damaged from so many hits that your shoulder would pop out of place. So they had to create like a wall and take part of your pelvic bone out to create you like a fake rotator cuff.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

It was basically a broken shoulder. It started in junior high. And I went ahead played football, I love football wanted to go to college playing football and could have; that's what they told me. But anyway, Doctor says, most of the time when you see an injury like I had is from a car wreck. But like they say everything is bigger and badder in Texas. That's where it happened. Yeah, junior high football broke my shoulder. And I went ahead and played until the doctor told me if you keep playing, you lose that arm.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

They end up having to take muscle off of your back and put that on top of your shoulder. So you have one shoulder that's a little bit higher than the other. Then they had to do a skin graft. Where did they get the skin from?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

They took bone from my pelvis and to do a bone graft on bone. And then they took muscle and skin from my back to cover that because I had two episodes with infection from lack of circulation.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

And you know, whenever you're a child, right, whenever you're in high school, you don't have hair on your back. Okay, so that skin that they took, you get hair on your back when you're older. So you get this patch that grows back hair on your shoulder.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah. it was armpit.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You got armpit underneath and armpit on top. All right. So, you know, I always thought that you had skipped a lot of school. Because I remember whenever you were graduating, that mom had to go around and hustle to get some doctor forms for you. See, I always thought that that's because you had skipped school, but it was because of.....

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

the surgeries. I had three surgeries between my junior and senior year. And part of it went over into my senior year of high school.  I missed a lot of school because of the infections that kept coming back from surgery, but yeah, it was a bit of a struggle my senior year plus along with my own problems, our high school burned.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

I remember that.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

So we went my senior year we went to school in portable buildings we called Porter High. Well, we were graduates of Porter high. From DeKalb, Texas.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Oh my gosh. So tell me about the one day that you did skip. So tell me what exactly were you doing some crazy stuff that you got caught though skipping, right?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah, idea that I don't know what I don't know what made me do it. It was me and my buddy, Shawn Daphin. And we decided we weren't gonna go to school that day. So he was hanging out at his house because his folks were gone. And for some odd reason. I mean, it just had to be in the stars in the plan. You know, mom's gonna go pick me up from school. Check me out early that night for some reason. never had that before, but it happened that day. And I wasn't there. So she knew where to go. She knew who my buddy was. She comes to his house, and I'm sitting at the bar in the kitchen. coloring. senior in high school, at the table at the bar coloring in a color book. But when I see my mom poke her head to the window, I'm like, Oh my.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

So the town that you graduated from? It's the home of Dan Blocker who was Hoss from Bonanza? And on the road that we lived on is the same road where Ricky Van Shelton? No, no, not Ricky van Shelton, Ricky Nelson. His plane crashed. Yeah, so his plane crashed on the road that we had to go down? Yeah, we were less than a mile or so on that road.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah, well, about a mile from where his plane crashed. I remember riding the bus that morning. And seeing the fire in the people's pasture,  you know, a couple 100 yards back behind her house in the field. And didn't know what it was at the time. But later, you know, we figured it out.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Also whenever you were in high school our mother had to take care of her parents. So our grandma had she, I think she smoked filterless cigarettes, and...

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

She smoked, I don't remember what she smoked. But she smoked a lot.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

She did smoke a lot. And then our grandfather was in World War II. Yeah. And he had had a tree fall on him.  He was super tall. He had multiple strokes. And he ended up having to have some legs amputated.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Diabetes.

  

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Mom had to move her parents so we could help take care of them. 

 

Brandy Von Holten 

I remember Grandma had to have one of those computerized sounding things because they had to take her voice box out. And they had to pack her throat.  She had a hole in her throat and it had to be packed because there was a hole there. And she had to have a feeding tube put in. A lot of that was going on at the same time you were dealing with your shoulder. It was just a lot.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

But at the time, you know, it just seemed like life, you know? Just made you stronger?

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. Well, and I'm glad that mom was able to do that for her parents, you know, it really meant a lot to her to be able to do that. It took away part of our childhood is kind of it's not really accurate, because it was just part of our childhood. You know, we had to, I remember the day that grandma passed away whenever we were there. And mom was there. And she came in and she still had grandma's blood on her.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

And I don't feel like I missed anything.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You were in high school. I was not I was a lot younger. But yeah, it was just a little bit different for both of us on that. So let's talk about Ronnie, is, you know, Ronnie has gotten a lot better. My dad. He's gotten a lot better in these last few years.  It's hard to put terms. You know he cared about us, but he cared about us but sometimes he would show it with money.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

And it was, it was hard love, tough love.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

It was a lot of tough love. But the man that Ronnie is now he's an excellent grandfather. Oh, yeah. To your kids now. But I think that dad might have needed like a owner's manual on us, because he made quite a few mistakes. But he's, you know, now that we're both in our 40s You know, we were okay with everything. Yeah. Sometimes it takes me a little bit longer to get to where they need to be. I wish that the person that he is now would have been the person that he was when we were growing up. That our lives would have been different. We wouldn't have been as strong as we are right now. But boy, anyways, a whole other thing there. But let's talk about these women of your life. Okay, the women in your life. So you graduated in 91 that so here's what happened and '92 our parents had quite a few felonies and had gotten into trouble with the law. I remember I had gotten made fun of in school.  Their problems had come to me in school. So at the time here, I'll just put a little dirt out there. Ronnie had stolen some cattle. Okay, well then he was selling them. Some of the kids were making fun of us and their parents had told them that they were not allowed to be around me.  I came home told my parents that, they decided to get a clean, a clean start. That was whenever we moved from Texas, which is where you graduated, and I had started school in Texas, and we moved to Arkansas. Well, that was only one year after you had graduated. So whenever we moved to Arkansas, you didn't know anybody and you were super young.  What do you remember about that time in your life?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I come back and got a job here stayed here for a while and I didn't really I didn't

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Where's here?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Quitman, Arkansas. Didn't really, I finally had some cousins. Our folks, you know, we weren't around a lot of them because we lived out of town. We lived out of state. So I didn't. I knew my cousins. But we weren't friends with them. I didn't have any other friends. So after at some point, I said, Hey, I don't like it here. So I go back to Texas. Well, something about Texas wouldn't sit right with me. So I come back to Arkansas. So I did that a couple of times before I realized for I really decided on where I wanted to settle.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

And that's a big decision because you were just like 17-18 years old. Yeah. And then you were kind of like, okay, I moved here. But like my family, you know, we're not close. We weren't close to them because we weren't raised around them. And then that your friends were in Texas, but when you mean like that's a lot of moving for somebody that's 18 years old, because I know now whenever I was 18 years old, like I was not stable. You know, not financially stable.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I carried everything I owned in the back of my pickup three or four times.  I'd move back and forth from DeKalb to Quitman before I decided, okay, Arkansas where I want to be.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Okay, so you married a lady named Antoinette. But she went by AJ. Yeah. So you married her in 1996. And I think she already had two boys.  That ended up not working out, but you don't hate her. Now, AJ is like raising bucking bulls and stuff.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Successful. We are friends on good terms. You know, we met when we were young. And we didn't really know what life was about.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Right? So no harm no foul. Right? AJ, bless her heart, one of those boys. He ended up going into the military and he didn't come home.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

He died in Afghanistan. An IUD; he stepped on one and it exploded. Lost him there.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. You know, and I have pictures of a lot of the women that you've dated or married had children. So you've brought kids into our lives; my life and mom and dad's life. And, man, I still had pictures of us with her two boys. Their names were Loren and Legend.  Loren is the one that passed away. Right? Okay. So after your marriage that was short lived with AJ, you ended up going through bankruptcy. Okay, because you're a young man. I am married a little bit early. And, you know, we moved in like didn't really have like a sense of home. You're like, where do I fit in? Okay, so no harm no foul there because like a lot of people mess up finances and I understand you were young. Well, then in 1999. You marry Trina? Yes. Okay, so Trina had three kids before you? The oldest had actually passed away when it was how old? It's like couple of weeks or something? Yeah, maybe a month at the most. Okay. So, and then she had two other children that you ended up adopting. Let's talk about them for a little bit.  Kristen looks like she should be my child. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And it's weird because absolutely no blood between she and I, but then I would take a bullet for her. Okay. But people have seen pictures of me whenever I was younger and they were like, Oh, is that Kristen? It's always been kind of odd because she looks like the spitting image of me.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

She confused a younger picture of you for herself.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Oh, Kristen even? Yes. Yeah. Kristen's so extremely smart. And she's always had to work for it. But she ended up getting like a big scholarships for

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

she got a full ride to Arkansas State in Jonesborough.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

And she was a drummer in high school. Yes. And now she lives in what Michigan, Michigan? Yeah. And I just love her to death. I'm so proud of her. And you know,

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

 A very strong girl.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

I can have a conversation. You know, she and I are different, but then we're not you know, she and I can have like any conversation and talk about things that we disagree on. And it's always okay. That's love. Oh, yeah. Well, I love her to death. I would do anything for then. Then you also had Justin. Yeah. So Justin, I remember oh my gosh, he was just a young boy, a livewire. Oh, he was, you know, and I remember mom would get into it. And he was just young, you know?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah. He had a little problem with speech. And he a lot of people didn't understand him. Really, really upsetting because he would try so hard to make his point. Or make somebody understand that he's like, nevermind.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Oh, wow. That being just he went to state in wrestling as a senior or no as a freshman.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah, he went three years to state, qualified. You know, he placed in state all three years. His highest placing was his senior year. Very proud of Justin. He had a little rough go.  He got married and just right after that he started college. He was going to Harding University there at Searcy, and got married. And that didn't work. And so

 

Brandy Von Holten 

he joined the military. And then in his, he ended up graduating first in his class. Or he ended up at the top of something that he was able to receive at the awards. He was the one that spoke or had to do the commands or something. 

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

When is when he graduated basic. Yeah, he was a top of his class. He was I don't understand all the military stuff. But he was top of class.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, and I love that he's in the military, because it's a family. That brotherhood. It is a brotherhood. So let's talk about something that happened, though. You ended up adopting Kristen and Justin. Yes. Legally adopting them. And so they actually call you their father. So, you and Trina had a daughter named Kaytlynn. And it was KAYTLYN because Trina's middle name was Kay. And your middle name was Lynn. So y'all did a plus because you combine them. So Kaytlynn. Man, Kaytlynn was so beautiful. Oh, yeah. And you know why? And she was built just like you. She was little. She was not very tall. And she was Brickhouse. She loved playing softball. She loved her friends, and she was always dressed to a tee. You know, but tragedy hit our family when she was 15 years old. And Kaytlnn took her life. Not only did Kaytlynn commit suicide, but then it was after the funeral that we found out that Kaytlynn was actually pregnant. Not only did we lose, Kaytlynn, but we also lost baby grandbaby. That was a lot. You know, I remember whenever I was told, I stepped outside and I screamed, and I screamed so loud, that I strained my voice.   The next 10 days, and I couldn't even talk when we were at our funeral.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

When I got a call that day, I was at work. I was on a pipeline. I was in Kansas. On a bulldozer and I knew something wasn't right. And when Mom called me, she couldn't even talk. futures for his mom founder. Because Mom found her. She had to break she had to bust the window out to get in the house to bust the window to unlock the door to get in the house. And don't know what else took place there before I got the phone call. But I know she sat down. She hugged her. She held her. She kissed her. She called me in in just a panic. And I said Mom, just take a breath. Tell me what you're feeling.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah, I don't. I think you're the one that called me. I think you were the second phone call, though. You the first phone call was Aunt Tommy, who is my father's oldest sister. And she called me and she's like, have you talked to your brother? And I'm like, No. And she's like, You need to talk to your brother. You need to... And I think that's right. Because you know, your mind plays tricks on you. But I think that's what had happened. So I called you because I thought something, you know, you know, mom or dad or you? And then I remember, I could hear how fast you were driving.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Oh, yeah, I was six hours from home when I got that call. And tell you what, just the people on that job that day. I just came back. Justin had just had his state final wrestling tournament that weekend before that, and I'm making good money. But I left I left. I kept enough to make it through till I got paid again. And I left the rest of my money with the with the kids. And so the day I got that call, I had gas in my truck and her groceries at the house. But that's it. They have no money in my pocket. And I went down the roadway to ever operator that I knew this man, can I borrow some money? I gotta get home. Yeah, I got $60. And when I got that $60 I hit the road as hard as I could. And I was in Kansas when I was in when I come through Tulsa, Oklahoma. I remember my truck, I kept feeling my truck shut off.. what was that I held it on the floor. I never let up Yeah. And everybody kept calling me and said, just stop this thought we'll come get you why I can't get home, I got to go to kids that need me. And I need them. So I'm on my way don't come for me. I'm on my way.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, we had a large horse booth that was like at something called Equifest of Kansas. And we were packed up to go to that. Well, we ended up we went there and set up and then somebody came and worked our booth for us because it's like the largest horse Expo. And then we had to drive back to it to take it down. And so we were having to go do this big back and forth. But you know, it was at that, at that funeral that I actually let Ronnie back into my life, you know, because I'm not gonna I wasn't I had. You know, there's just a lot of the story that we have to leave out. Yeah. Well, it's just respectful. You know, you just have to do that.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

That was that was a turning point for me and him also. Yeah, there was a two years of silence.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. And because at that time, none of that stuff matters. You know what I mean? Whenever you have kids, kids go first. Kids always first. So that was you know, and then my father ended up coming here and later on and he's lived here for like 13 months, but it was a there's so many things that have come out of Kaytlynn's death. Yeah. Okay. Because you have to, you have to focus on the positives, because you focus on the negatives into each job. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it will eat Yeah,

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I did let it eat at me for a minute. When I say I mean it I mean, along with it. It was tough.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

okay, well, I'm sorry. No, that's okay. I mean, like, out of every darkness, there's, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I miss Kaitlyn. I love her to do anything in the world to bring her back. Yeah. If the Good Lord would see it fit to give me another chance.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. So something that we have to be very cautious about the way that we talk about this. Okay, so, um, you know, a lot of times people need comfort. And here's my brother needed comfort. Well, one of his it was a lady that he had seen before came and spent the night with him. And you know what happened this or here was just a few days after the funeral but my God if he did not get her pregnant. We have to be like, yeah. Oh, you know that was

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

this this moment right here. Yeah, we're laughing in the middle of her tears. Yeah. You know.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

And, you know this, this little innocent girl that came out of out of that, you know, and you weren't ready to be married. You were not ready to be married. And but I think she saved you. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, you needed some saving it before that had happened like after your marriage with Trina. Okay.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I went downhill

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You went downhill, which resulted in three felonies?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yes, I got in trouble.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Let's talk about these felonies. What were they felonies in?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

It was Drugs. It was Meth. That's something that I had toyed with on and off for 20 years. And never thought I'd get caught. That's you know, that's what everybody thinks. When you're doing something you ain't supposed to do you think I ain't gonna get caught. Anyway. I got a caught.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You got caught hard, like, bad caught!

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Well, not not as hard as some but oh, man, you could have been worse. Yeah, I remember seeing that state trooper come off the freeway. And he was like a hawk on rabbit.  I'm like, we're done. He's we do that. Oh, yes. And you just keep going. I said we're caught. Yeah. I got three felonies out of that.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

So you had possession of methamphetamine, then you had possession of paraphernalia because you had a glass pipe. And then you had simultaneous possession of drugs and a gun? Yes, that's a big one and that's a class Y, which could result in 40 to to life. So you end up getting a very good lawyer? Yes. You are on probation for how long?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Five years. I got sentenced under the First Offenders Act, they reduced that class Y to a D. So I guess that kept me out of jail and prison. I did five years probation paid some fines. Lost a few things. Yeah. Material things which I I'm not messed up about that. I learned a lesson.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, I was always so worried about you going back down that slippery slope after Kaytlynn's death, because it was so we didn't know it was coming. And then the way that she committed suicide was was dramatic. Yeah. And then the fact that she was pregnant. I mean, it was just like Good Lord. It was so much. It was so much on a heart. It was so much on every person in our family. Yeah. But then there's Eliza, Eliza. There's Eliza. And she actually has two middle names, right? It's Eliza Marie. And Brooke. Right. Okay, so Marie was also Kaytlynn's middle name. So Geneva, let's talk because Geneva is your third wife. I consider the first two like, starter Wives.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

This is my third marriage. And it's your last marriage as well as married. But it's my first wife. Yeah. Yeah. She's a good, strong, Christian woman. We wouldn't be where we are today if she wasn't.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Yeah. Because, you know, and I feel so comfortable. Me and my brother have a very, like, we went through the same childhood together. Okay. Even though there's a big age difference between the two of us. You know, there's nobody else that has the same experiences that we have. Okay. So I'm able to say that you have a lot of baggage. Yes. You have a lot of baggage, you know, I mean, you're you're not quite handicap but you've the arm has some limited use because of the surgery and the bankruptcy before and now they had the child that passed away. And then a couple of wives before you know you you kind of had like this tribal background, but me and you we've always been able to talk you know, and, and I know that originally whenever you married Geneva was not exactly for it was not for love. You married Geneva because you didn't want to put another child through that same thing. But But, but now you love Geneva?

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I mean, so thankful for where we are today. I mean, it saved me If Geneva had not come back into my life, I'd either be dead or I'd be in prison.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Right? Because without Geneva, you know, being there. You know.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

You know, Geneva is the big. The big one. She has Calista her daughter, which is I call her mine, I love her. 

 

Brandy Von Holten 

she just, she just became an adult the other day. She just turned 18

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Right. 4.0 senior in high school. She's doing great.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

She can sing. Oh, she sings like a. I mean, it's just the most beautiful thing in the world.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I'm so proud of her. But she hasn't been such an inspiration. Her walk her her walk with God, her her faith. I mean, she has been an inspiration to me. Just as much as Geneva did able to give me that love that tough love. I mean, she's put up a lot with me.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Well, and you know what? I feel so sorry for Okay, so our family is a lot. Our family is a lot to, to absorb. Okay. And then the way had everything had happened. I mean, and it was right after a tragedy. Yeah. Anna, she was not welcomed with open arms. No, no, she was not. You know, I didn't have anything against her. But like, it was just rough. And then you were not with her whenever she was pregnant. Y'all end up getting

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah, we didn't get married till after Eliza was born. Right? Eliza just turned five. So we got we have, you know, next year. In June, we'll, we'll we'll be married five years.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, and I just think the world of Geneva. She has great ideas. She's energetic, but then she saved my brother. You know, she has allowed you to become the father, the parent and the husband that you were always able to be. But you just weren't.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

You know, I tell my oldest kids, you'll know that they think they got life figured out. I said that didn't that didn't figure it out. And I can say I got it all figured out now. But I'm, I'm a lot closer. 

 

Brandy Von Holten 

It's crazy. And I'm just so grateful for Geneva and I'm so happy that she's able to let people grow. Because our family has grown to love her. Yes. You know, Anna. I mean, like, my respect towards her. And is just, I don't think she understands how much I appreciate what she's done.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

She don't know how much I love her now. Right? I mean, I just, I can't put it in words. You know, she saved my life. You know,

 

Brandy Von Holten 

She did save your life. And Eliza, Eliza just turned five. And I called her on her birthday. And she told me, I'm going to start school next year, so I can graduate and I got to graduate to go to college. And I was like, Well, yes, you do. Oh, yeah. And you know, I have absolutely no doubt that whatever comes out of her mouth, she's gonna do she's very determined. Oh, my goodness. and right now. She loves rainbows and unicorns. Yes. Yeah. And

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

She shares a lot with her big sister Kristen. They both love rainbows and unicorns?

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Is there anything you remember, anything from our childhood that you're just like, "Brandy, what are you doing?" Like, all the martial arts or anything? Or? I don't know, any of the stuff that stands out that would be like a funny story for people. I kind of put you on the spot. Yeah, you know, our life was a lot of joking around it was really serious and I learned how to fight really good because of...

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn  

I learned how to work.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You learned how to work, I learned how to fight, and then both of us are just so so driven, you know, and I know now you know, I remember you bounced around, after high school, you bounced around trying to find where your quote unquote home was and I remember you changed jobs a lot and had some anger management issues but that's mellowed out. But I know now you're at a job that you've been there long enough to get vacation.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Five years other than working for our folks, our parents, you know, driving truck is the only place I've ever worked my whole life for five years and I've got enough invested there now. That's where I'm gonna retire from. That's my plan anyway, and I have retirement plans. I never had that before. And all this comes with Geneva and settling down and finding a good church. And I learned a lot about faith. The Lord has done a lot in my life.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You found God now.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

I found God. I know who God is.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

 I don't know, if you ever knew how proud I am of you. A lot of people just don't know what we went through. They just don't know. And, you know, and, but we, we survived it.  And on to this, I'm so happy for the second half of our life. Because the second half of our life is filled with happiness. We have things priorities figured out.  Ronnie is so good to your children.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Oh, he is, he's the best grandpa that they could ever ask for Paw Paw, Grandpa, whatever you want to call him.  He's there for all of my kids. And I'm so thankful for that.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

And then Mom, mom and me had a different relationship than mom and you did. It's just because she was a teen mom. And then she had a kid that got burned. She went through a divorce and then remarried. I always felt like she protected you. But by God, she had to.  Whenever you were younger, there was just a lot of things that she went through with you. And I mean, like me, and her just had a completely different relationship. I love our mom, but I always felt like you were most definitely the favorite.  But that's okay. I don't think that now, mom adores us both.  She's proved it time and time again where her loyalties are with us, you know? And now, Eliza gets to see mom all the time. She calls her Mudder.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yeah.  When she could just barely talk. That's what come out... Mudder. And that's what mom said. That's what it'll be. It will be Mudder.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Man, our mom really connects with physical stuff. Our mom is not a hoarder, but she right before that.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Yes, she connects. She never disconnects.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Okay, yeah. Our mom has so much stuff.  Gary and I, we were like,  whenever she passes away, you get everything.  (chuckle)

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

One of our cousins, Betty Sue.  She ask how you spell Garylynn? I'm like, G-A-R-Y  L-Y-N-N. That's two words. She's like, ah, thought it was one. I'm like no.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

We talked about who's going to end up with mom's stuff. And I'm like you can have it.  It is just so much to go through. 

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

It'll be alright. It's just another stepping stone. We will crush it when it gets there.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Well, I hope that y'all enjoyed getting to know me on a little bit deeper level. This is the only sibling that I have. That I know of. (chuckle) Okay, so I would not be surprised one day if somebody comes out that's like, we got the same daddy.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Hey, you know, that's that's how I found Casey. I found out about her. She was 22 years old before I met her.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Oh, yeah. I know. Our dads kind of lived the fast life.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Her mom did exactly what you're talking about. She's like, Look, you need to be doing some checking. You know, when she got old enough to date and stuff because your dad was a rounder? You know, he got around. Yeah. And, and I gotta say this before we leave, before we get off here because Brandy has talked about how proud she is of me and my family and for us all. And I just I don't know how to tell you how proud I am of you, Brandy. And how thankful you are that you got David. And y'all been able to build this build. Build this life. I know it ain't easy. You live at work. Yeah. And you work where you live. And but I'm proud of you and David proud for you.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, I'm happy to be the aunt. I don't know if your kids know how much I think about them.  

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Thanksgiving Day we're giving thanks. Yeah, where we are today. 

 

Brandy Von Holten 

That is ironic that today is literally Thanksgiving Day. 

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Eliza's original due date, was November 24. And that was going to be Thanksgiving Day that year.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

Oh, my goodness

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

But she ended up being a C section, baby. Almost a Thanksgiving baby. 

 

Brandy Von Holten 

She had to come a little bit earlier.

You are the person that knows so much more about me than what anybody else does in this world. And I am so close to David, but David wasn't my brother. You know what I mean? He didn't go through this stuff that we did. I love that he didn't and I love that David has been able to go through with me but this was a lot for him to take in. It's a lot for every boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife that would you know, one of us has ever had.

 

Gary Lynn Vaughn 

Geneva and David are the two that made the cut. They hung in there.

 

Brandy Von Holten 

You know, I have a I have a Big Boss Mare cup that right now that it says if I'm too much, then go find less.  People love me for my strength. That didn't come from having some easy childhood.  If you want to be around strong people, they all have a story.